Freedom through neutrality

I'm frightened sometimes, by the things that go through my head and on my heart. People say be true to yourself, yet sometimes, I feel like I don't know my true self. Sometimes I feel like a shell of what everyone wants me to be. Other times, I feel like the embodiment of what I want myself to be. I'm starting to understand that there's both a light and dark side to everything in life. There's a balance that's needed in life. Not just within the world, but also within each individual. I think most people tend to favor one side over the other, depending on the person. I think we all, especially myself, need to embrace both sides to become whole. None of us are Jesus Christ, son of God. None of us are perfect, pure or 100% good. None of us are Satan, walking around pouring pain and chaos on the world. We are all shades of gray. There is true freedom through our neutrality.

We are perfect through our imperfections. I come to feel....being perfect is bad (and impossible). I know, I know, that sounds ridiculous. But think of it like this, if you're "perfect" that means, you have no room for improvement. When there's no room for improvement, there's only one way to go, down. It's exactly like saying, you will never be better then you are at this very moment. Imperfection is interesting. It's what gives us individuality. It makes us different. Not only that, but it's impossible to achieve. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Think about it. To ME, something, someone, some place, may be perfect....to ME. To somebody else, it may not be. There are approximately 6 billion people on earth...and for something to be perfect, all of those people need to come to a consensus. I'll even give it a 90% majority. But people have different views, perspectives, believes, ect, which makes a consensus impossible. Imperfection gives us purpose. A reason to live. Something to fight for. We need to embrace that fact that we'll never be perfect. It gives me happiness. I don't even WANT to be perfect.

So....I learned today that one of my friends died yesterday. Not just a friend, but a brother. Even tho we haven't talked much over the past few years, hearing that news wasn't any easier. I don't feel.....guilty, because there was nothing I could've done. But I do feel bad that I wasn't there for my friend in his final years. I wish I could have at least made those years more .....enjoyable. I just feel a great deal of sorrow. Honestly, I don't know what I feel.....I just know that it's not great. Tomorrow is never promised, so we have to love today. Love family, love friends, love life. Life is to short and precious for hate.

lesson we all forget

When life gives you problems....you don't sit around and complain. You don't bathe in your own self pity. You don't let yourself get down. You pull up your big boy pants and find a way to fix it. Or, you accept it and find a way to live with it. Deal with adversity.

When did it become popular?

When did being razor thin, paper thing, bone skinny...whatever you wanna call it, become so popular????? I mean, have people SEEN pictures of Marilyn Monroe??? Her body is fantastic!! Women like Vivica A. Fox, Lisa Raye, Alicia Keys, Scarlett Johansson(before she lost weight). I'm talking about those women with curves. It's beautiful! But somewhere in history, this sickly looking skinny is the new "sexy". It's disgusting! I mean, don't get it twisted, all women are beautiful. But MAN.....women with nice curves are down right sexy!

Snaps!

I'd like to point out to the world, to all you people striving to be "different", that all of you merely just caught up to me. Seriously. I was apparently a trend setter, or at least jump on before ANY OF YOU thought those things to be cool.

A Black man playing the guitar
I started playing guitar in 2003, while I was in highschool, on my free time. Self taught. In fact, I remember the last day of my 11th grade year, me and my friends brought our guitars and jammed with our English teacher. Fun times.

But, what did you all do?? Called me white washed. Called me an oreo. Said "only white boys played guitar". But I listened to rock n' roll music, and this made me listen to it more and more. All of a sudden, I walk around after having a few years under my belt and EVERY black dude wants to play guitar. All the people who called me "white-washed" wants to play guitar. All my friends the rapped wanted me to play guitar for them on tracks (although NOW, I regret not doing it....rap/rock still has potential). Needless to say......I was first. And I still play, although not as much.

Stunner Shades
Wanna know how much I set this trend?? My nickname was Hollywood. Nobody ever saw me without sunglasses. Had a different pair for each occasion lol. My everydays(2 pairs), my church/night times and my aviators. I even had a prescription pair (I use to wear glasses). People use to think I was weird for always buying sunglasses. It was my thing. SO, from the age of .....14 people poked fun at me because nobody wore shades the way I did. Now....EVERYBODY wants a pair of "stunner shades". Everyone wants a pair of shades. Get on my level tho, I only mess with name brands. No more of the $10 stuff (although, you find a good one now and again). Get on my level.

Being a nerd
I was a HUGE nerd as a kid. I still am lol. I LOVE sci-fi stuff. Star Wars, Star Trek, anything dealing with the future, space....that was my stuff. I also enjoyed math(yet now I hate it lol), I LOVE science and technology. I use to love anime a great deal(I grew out of it tho, but some are still AMAZING). I LOVE comic book characters and their cartoons. Heck, I love cartoons period. I'll admit, I even played World of Warcraft for a period of time. I loved video games and spent most of my childhood playing them. And now.....I want to make them. I was a nerd before that stuff was cool. But NOW, it's cool to be a "nerd" lol. I don't think it's the whole "nerd" thing as it is dressing like one.

Being Anti-government
I never fell behind the whole.... patriotism thing. Woke up late and missed the plane. Even tho I was only 14, a part of me felt like Gore should have won and Bush cheated. Then.....stuff happened. But I still couldn't fall in line. Others saw it as being un-patriotic. I saw it as keeping it real. I wasn't going to let an event, albeit catastrophic, change the way I thought and felt. I still don't. I believed all the conspiracy....because it made more sense than the lies they told. I never though the government, especially Republicans, had the best interest of the people. Now that I'm a tax paying citizen, I believe that even more. I'm not much of a.....protester, but I do voice my opinions about it when asked. I do try to stay informed politically as much as I can. I work for the government now and I still don't fully trust it lol. Just sayin. I'm 25....so I've felt this way for about 11 going on 12 years.

Music these days being absolute garbage? I thought that since high school.

Being able to make music at home and distributing via social networks being a cancer to the music industry? And all other opinions on it. Most of the music being mediocre at best. You have those.....GREAT people, and all the mediocre people. Yet the ones in the middle get lost in the noise. To good to be mediocre, the bad to be great. I have friend I put in that category.
Thought that since I was 22.....because I lived it.

Ya'll just don't understand.......I'm not like any of you......you all are like me.

KNOW I see

I finally understand what they mean by "A good game isn't a game, it's an experience". I just played the finest game I've EVER played in my life! Mass Effect 2 (you should pick it up).

I don't talk much of games, but it has a FANTASTIC story, great characters, REAL decisions that are meaningful. You call the shots, you make decisions, you form the story, you make the game. Not to mention....that writing and art work is spectacular.

I say all that to say.....more games should be this way. Not just games, movies, tv....everything. The story for this game is the best story I've seen in a game in 13 years. Not only that, it made you CARE. It gave me that feeling we all use to get as children, when you see a kung-fu movie and you feel like you can fight. When you thought you could dodge bullets after you saw 'The Matrix', when you saw an emotional movie and it made you re-evaluate yourself.

And how did this make me feel?

My name is Sean Shepard....and I just saved the Galaxy.